transitions

kisses


enjoying her new weee water slide

i love that eyebrow look.

i'm feeling a little wordy today, so beware. firstly, ben and i have been going through some rough transition time in our house. no, i am not talking about the impending baby. ben has quit his job as an executive chef. in fact he has left the restaurant industry all together. about time, you might say, and be right, but it has not been an easy transition. first b/c that is where a majority of his experience is. but the stress was too much for our family and we decided to take quality of life over quantity of money. don't get me wrong, we're not on food stamps, but we're also not about to join the country club. for me, when i was working, being a social worker was who i was. i did other things, had friends, had hobbies, but at the root of it all i was a social worker. which was a real buzz kill at parties. what do you do? oh, i'm a social worker. so what do you do? i deal with rape victims, domestic violence survivors, and child abuse. oh. when i was in philly i was also a photographer, so i usually followed it up with but i shoot weddings on the weekends, so it balances out nicely. i never really needed the balance, i handled the job well, i think. but i could tell that other people needed to hear that i had a balance. does that make sense? social work is an interesting field of work. it is dealing with the unmentionable things in society and trying to fix them. and i love it. and i miss it. achingly so, at times. so when marley came along i lost who i was for awhile. don't get me wrong. i have loved that child since i knew she existed, and even more with every passing day. i wouldn't trade her for anything. but i do miss my social work self. i know that there is a balance somewhere. and that is what ben and i are trying desperately to find. he loved being a chef. working in that fast paced industry. but it was almost impossible for us as a family to exist on that schedule. so ben is giving up his identity as a chef and we're not sure where he'll land. we're trying to redefine ourselves, not by our work, but by our family. our society is so focused on what we do to earn money, that it is hard to turn our back on this way of thinking. the first question people always ask is, so what do you do? as a social worker i was a buzz kill, as a housewife and stay at home mom i am often dismissed. so, say a little prayer that we find our way on this journey. i'm not worried. after all, we have each other and a we have a great family, both immediate and extended.

on a completely different topic, we got fish again today. ben said as we entered the store, it's a good thing we don't need a license to get fish. this is our third attempt. we have good water, a ph tester, and a schedule to clean the water. so, hopefully we have not brought more fish home to die, or go night night as we tell marley. in fact i think she was a little confused, b/c she kept saying night night to the fish. no honey, we don't want these fish to go night night.

marley is napping right now and when she wakes up we are going to have some serious farts and crafts. we have macaroni, glue, glitter, and finger paint. if we don't manage to make fantastic art, we will at least manage to make a fantastic mess. i've been feeling a bit guilty about my mothering capabilities lately. i have no stamina or energy. i mean i am due in six short weeks. plus, since the baby has dropped, i have had almost constant braxton hicks contractions. but i have a very active two year old. and i don't want to fail her just b/c i'm tired. so, bring on the mess. me and my monkey are going to have a great time this afternoon.